PIFH #4: Petty people

Say the word ‘petty’ and watch every person engaged in the conversation go on and on about how much they can’t stand petty people. Ever notice that when you mention a negative attribute present in the majority of human beings (at least exercised at some point in life) every motherfucker in the room acts like it’s something they’ve never done. But as we all know this is a damn lie. I admit I’ve been petty at points in my life. Maybe a few times, but it has never been a staple in my personality.

I have never been a truly petty person. Not because I am better than other people, but because I never had the chance to. I was constantly surrounded by other petty, selfish, and vindictive assholes who exhibited this behavior so much that it made me sick. Made me sick every time I even thought about being petty even for a moment. You might be thinking I’m recalling a time from being a child and going to school. My school mates were assholes in their own right, but the most pettiness I’ve experienced in the 20-something years I’ve been on the planet has come from adults.

Fully grown.

Car driving.

Alcohol drinking.

Full-time job working…adults.

These are the motherfuckers who will notice you are wearing the same clothes from yesterday and ask you, in front of everyone, “weren’t you wearing that yesterday?” in the most innocent way like you don’t remember not changing your clothes.

They are the people who will do one thing for you and expect to be paid back in the exact amount they gave to you. If they helped you move an apartment a for a few hours on Saturday, that meal of appreciation is “nice” but you’re still in debt and they will surely bring it up at a later time.

They will argue with you down to the last penny over a split check because apparently there is a fucking huge difference between paying a couple dollars extra on time vs. paying the $21.43 you owe.

They will keep an argument going long after it should have ended regardless as to who started it because their ego tells them they have to have the last word.

They are the shameless fools who lack class in such a degree they will flinch back and grimace the moment in the conversation where your tongue hits the floor of your mouth an causes a drop of spit to come out. I once had some girl make the worst face at me when I accidentally got a little excited in the middle of a story and a drop of spit landed on her face. She halted the conversation and very sloooowly wiped it away as though it was Hitler’s vomit. I wouldn’t have been mad either if I knew she wasn’t someone who was used to taking loads on her face from men she just met.

Then, there are people like my grandmother who, despite being in her 50’s at the time, would do all kinds of petty shit to children. My single mother was poor (of course) and lazy growing up so we never had money for anything be it clothes, shoes, school supplies, food etc.  So every year, when the new school year was starting, we never had new uniforms. We always hate wear the same old shit from last year. Anyway, my grandmother would get clothing vouchers for my cousins (who she had custody of) for clothes, shoes, and supplies for school. After coming back from the store she would take all the bags into the living room. She would go through each on and pick out every item one by one, talk about it, show it to us, and fold it up. Every. single. item. I remember once she worked at a laundromat and we were there one day so we helped a man carry his cleaned laundry just across the way to his apartment a 2 minute walk away. He gave each of us a dollar. To kids that’s a good amount of money. Any way my grandmother made each of us give her a quarter because we “wouldn’t have gotten anything” without her. Had I been a different kind of person, this would have affected me much more negatively than it has. I understood at the time we were the only people she could feel better than because she had nothing else going in life to live up to other, more hard-working people.

There is only show much shit a human being can take from other people. I truly believe there is a built in meter within all of us. When I am present during an act of immature, selfish and unnecessarily disgusting pettiness from an adult I find myself wishing it was perfectly legal to just stand up, strike them in the mouth and then sit back down.

This is why I think that petty people can fuck off. They can fuck off in a house, with a mouse. They can fuck off here and over there. They can fuck off any and every where. They can fuck off and stay fucked-off because I disdain them.